I Saw God

I am a firm believer of God’s timing, but I learned that at times we use that phrase as an excuse. We take time because we are scared of failing not that we are waiting on God. One needs to take a leap of faith towards what they want to see into fruition and let God fulfill his part.

For a long time, I wanted to go back to school because ever since childhood I had a dream of becoming a lawyer. My mum, on the other hand, wanted me to become a doctor. So as I did my KCSE things did not go as planned there were a lot of mishaps to my results which at some point almost brought me down to depression. To cut the story short, she advised I go back to form two so I could get the desired points to do medicine. I was quite tiny with a baby face so I would fit in so well, she encouraged. Alternatively, she said if I didn’t want I should do teaching like her otherwise she’s is not going to pay for parallel so that I do law. I have always been a tough kid! Stubborn, hard-headed to be precise. I was not going to do what I did not want, so I settled in telling her I will take myself back to school.

Anyway, before you all paint my mum as a bad mother she was a single mum and truly she could not afford to pay for parallel education. I had survived through high school with scholarships from diverse organizations. To the point of finishing with some change that I was given.

So it took me a long time to go back to school close to 8 years. It took people using me in institutions and being treated like crap for me to say “enough is enough even though I don’t have much in the bank, (actually I had nothing to be specific), am taking a leap of faith to apply.” By this time my mama had long been gone and I wanted to climb up the ladder and what she had instilled in me is that education is one of the genuine avenues to success. Another thing, with time I had changed gears on what I wanted to do.

For a while trying to understand the criminal mind fascinated me more than defending people. From childhood I loved studying people, I had mastered the art of telling one’s character within minutes of getting to know them and this excited me. I had changed gears to doing forensics science but it was not offered in my town unless I did it in Nairobi at Kenyatta University. This would have destabilized my programs since I was employed in Nakuru. I went to Egerton and inquired as I had been directed and I was told it was offered under criminology and I said the better. Funny enough the fee that the receptionist told me was half of what was required and I thank the heavens she told me that otherwise, I would have never applied.

Months later I applied last minute the dates had passed and in two days, I received a call to go pick the admission letter. I was on duty that day so I asked for permission to come to work late. I went picked the letter so happy but once I opened it and looked at the fee, I sulked. I went back to work had to present the letter to my Head of Department. From that day I got stressed and some of my workmates didn’t make it any easier because I was the talk of the institution since our salary was almost 10% of the amount on the calling letter.

I managed to garner about three-quarters of the money through the help of a workmate who showed me the way to go about it. He was a source of encouragement. Thus, I joined the school and not even more than two weeks into my studies, I lost my job. A few weeks into that I started having issues with my roommate and I had to relocate. My life literally changed! To the point that one day I was so fed up with events that transpired after that, I even told God I was tired! He had only two options with my life because I had gone through so much, a fiery furnace was not even enough to liken to my situation. To add salt to the injury just after I had started to see better days all hell breaks loose. Hence, He either had to take me away from the world or change my life. Two things!

Our God hears because days after that I got a house moved in but it was still not easy I went for days with no food! Because the little that I had, I paid for a new house and I was saving some to finish paying my fee because days were going by and exams were approaching, I could not even spare a coin. About a week into examinations I had lost all hope because I was short on fee I’d not paid everything. I met a divine connection in the form of a friend who helped me out to clear my balance.

From then I started seeing better days, things had started changing, I had stabilized in my freelance jobs and I realized I was managing things just fine. I could manage to pay rent, buy food, groom myself and pay the fee in bits. Whenever I lacked God came through in form of divine connections like He says “pressed down, shaken together, running over shall men bring to my bosom.”

I won’t lie it was not all bread and butter, nothing comes easy because there were nights I went without sleep, days I went to class having not had a wink of sleep because I was working. There was a day I walked into a CAT examination having had only two hours of sleep and no time to study, funny enough I got an A in the unit. There was a class in which my lecturer used to find me as a joker to the point he even bad-mouthed me hehe, (may God forgive him) because most of the time I would come to class late. There was a time when he was going into class, I was going to bed! Since he had a class from 8 to 12 I could not risk not having a wink of sleep and I had gone for close to 40 hrs without sleep! So I had to do at least 30 minutes then prepare for class.

There were days I could not raise the full amount and I had to sit down on my bathroom floor crying calling out on God to come down we reason together. I cannot go into my bathroom without flip-flops but during those times I would sit down there. My talks with God used to go like this “God You know how much I boast about You, How much I hail Your Name. If You leave me now and don’t come through for me I will not face shame but You! ‘Mimi sitaki aibu’ but in the end ‘mimi sitaaibika’ but You! (I don’t want shame but in the end, if you don’t come through for me I won’t be ashamed it is You who will).

Surely in those days, God came through. My last semester was the worst it is like the devil had come down to fight me in all angles. We were in low season, meaning no jobs, I was due in rent, my gas in the house had depleted, I had no food in the house and I was about Kshs. 44,000 short in fee! Am the kind of person that will never ask anyone for help nor will I tell anyone my problems. So I was surviving on soda I bought the one litter and mandazis daily. A week, rather, a few days to exams a friend came through for me and gave me a loan of Kshs. 40,000! I had worked a bit and I got some of the money which I added and paid fee bought food, gas, and other necessities.

Praise to God on 7th of December 2018 I got to graduate with a Second Class Honors Upper Division! I cannot thank God enough for the far He has brought me. It might have been another addition to someone but for me, I saw God in His full form. Many people want to say they want to see the face of God but for me I already did! I saw Him. For an orphan to make it not having much in her hand it is truly God.