Getting off toxic relationships
There is no great feeling than knowing that in the world someone cares for you and the greater emotion is knowing that you care for another. But the greatest of these is caring for that individual and having them care back maybe in the same manner or at least proportionate to that. Be it friendship, family, platonic or erotic relationship, caring should always go both ways. Anything contrary to that is toxic.
Again, we have those friendships or relationships with people whereby the care isn’t the problem but the influence the person has on you. There is no greater or greatest toxicity in one’s life as the wrong relation. That friendship or love relation that just brings the worst in you or misery out of you.
Whether we like it or not the people we walk with have some degree of influence on us. We are all social beings, and any form of socialization has some impact. In one way or the other, there will be the borrowing of certain traits. Yesterday I was with a friend in town and I met this long lost friend of mine. I was overjoyed to meet her and later as we were parting ways all I could remember, was how a few weeks into our friendship someone mentioned how I had ‘corrupted’ her with my dressing style, Hehe! I also reminisced on how she taught me to keep my cool when offended, (God knows how I could use her influence right now) with how she composed herself. The girl used to be cool, calm and collected. I admired that in her, considering I was a tornado waiting to happen on activation, ‘temper issues.’
The people we mingle with tell a lot about us. Not necessarily about our characters but whether we like it or not they influence our decisions and the kind of activities we do. I have had a share of bad friends in my life but not so much as good friends. If there is something I thank God for is some of the relations in my life. I always make this prayer which is typically seasonal to me. The prayer is seasonal because it is usually made when I don’t like certain things in my life. The prayer goes like this, “Dear God, You see what I cannot see, know what I don’t and You alone can discern the hearts of men, so sieve my friends. I don’t care how you do it or the method it will involve, but please sieve my friends. Let me remain with those that are ordained to be in my life to lead me in the right direction. Amen.” This prayer has been my anchor in having good friends. It doesn’t mean that I never have bad friends, but once I execute this prayer, it works to ensure only real friends are in my circle. And I have much conviction that those in my circle right now are the best.
Letting go of a toxic relationship is not easy. Trust me I’ve been in this predicament at one point. Be it a lover or a friend, it is just tough. Once when I was in form two, I watched a documentary with my parent about how newborns from mothers who were chronic cocaine user in America were treated to get the drug out of their system. By that time it was nothing to me but just another information I acquired.
Later on in life, that is after school, I was in this toxic relationship for almost four years, and it wasn’t doing me any good. The worst thing is that anytime I got out of it, in one way or the other I would be swept back (don’t ask why, it’s a mystery to me up to now). At one time my mother had to sit me down about it. She told me that she knew very well that I didn’t love the person, but there is nothing worse than getting used to a person. It’s easy to let go of love than to get rid of ‘mazoea’ (habit). When you get used to a person, it becomes a habit that ‘s hard to get rid of. She told me she would not advise me to stop seeing the person immediately but rather to learn to live without him. She said to me that leaving him at once will be detrimental to me and within no time I will be back with him. So she reminded me of the documentary we had watched together of the children born of ‘junky’ mothers.
In the documentary these newborns in the first couple of months were fed with the drug but in proportions. Immediately when born they were given the same amount of intake the mother used to take and as months went by the amounts were reduced until eight months (that is if am not wrong) is when they were taken off it completely. This program was used to ensure the survival of the child. It was detrimental for the child to be taken off the drug immediately after birth because this was what it was used to. Lack of the drug could lead to the death of the child because of its delicate system.
So my mother told me to use the same method to get rid of this toxic relationship in my life. Not so many parents would give this sort of advice but after reaching puberty, mum stopped being an authoritarian parent, and onward she embraced authoritative parenting styles. Which always made me more inclined to heeding her advice. To cut the long story short, I heed to her advice, and I learned little by little to let go of it. To my utter amazement, there were days in my soliloquy I would ask myself what I saw and why I was sticking. I chose to believe it was naivety.
If you also can try to use this advice, work to let go little by little. The opium in your life will be gone in no time. There is nothing worse than a toxic relation because it will always affect your life negatively and steal your joy. Try to be happy today by surrounding yourself with the right people in your life.