The Agony of the Grass- Part 2
A young couple I knew tried so hard to have a child, two years in the marriage they had not yielded anything, and there were no signs either. Grapevine was all over since everyone was ‘concerned’. According to the African tradition, a child in the family after a year of marriage is a sign of fertility and pride to the father. Finally, the lady was pregnant, but she later lost it during childbirth. The pain was immense, known only to the parents.
Waiting for this gift, planning and then having to lose it all over again without a chance of smiling at it. What would have been, what could have been all lost in the wind. The wind of death, carrying away a ray of possibilities.
Later on, the young lady was blessed again with the fruit of the womb. Hope was lit in the house and after nine months a very beautiful young girl was born. The father was proud, holding his joy in His arms. He made promises to the innocent angel in His arms. Promising to be a better man, carry out his actions with caution, provide for her not only financially but the provision of a safe home as well. Additionally, he promised to fight her foes and anyone who would hurt her.
If you are a parent, you understand this case, because probably you went through the same moment as the father and daughter here shared. The parents’ aim is to protect a child and give the young soul a better future. Yet, along the way we lose this focus due to our misgivings. Though the young man promised all these to his daughter, he lost his focus. He did not become the better man he had so promised. During the time he and the wife had baby issues, he got involved with other women. Lo, and behold the promise to the daughter was forgotten after a few months and he went back to his misgivings. You guessed right- The better man promise was more aimed at stopping his cheating habits.
Many of us forget the promise we made for our children, the hope we had for them and the protection we have to offer. We wallow in our issues forgetting the most important being among us. The child. A child undergoes agony, instability and pain when we as parents fight our battles in their presence.
Our traditional focus on the family is uprooted, hence, our family issues affecting the child. And when I talk of traditional I don’t mean the barbaric practices of domestic violence and a woman is there to be seen and not to be heard. I speak of the importance of the family. Where a man was respected, and a woman was loved. A man’s word was carried with gravity because he understood his roles in the house and adhered to them.
Whether you are a Functionalist, Marxist or Feminist on the area of family, we should all focus on the young one in the household. We wonder why our children are focused on same-sex marriages, why they are not responsible fathers or mothers, why they want to change their gender, it’s because they are lacking role models. If we as parents take the first step towards being the best at our responsibilities, these children will grow up saying I want to be like daddy, I want to be like mummy.
The family is the cornerstone of every society and the offspring replace its personnel overtime. Hence, it’s a legacy being left behind. We all leave a mark in the society, whether you are the likes of Professor Maathai or not. You leave a mark through your children. You might not be able to win a Nobel prize in the recognition of the whole world, but are you winning the Nobel prize in your house? Are you leaving a mark in your home?
Your children, are they proud of you. Would they want to be just like you when they grow up or despise you for the harm you did not only to your spouse but them as well? As parents, work together to give your child a better future. When you are together in marriage work on it having your children as motivation. If you are separated, ensure you create time and provide for that child as well. Don’t be a deadbeat dad or mum (if there is such a thing). You might not be in good terms with the mother of the child or the father, but that does not make you estranged to the child.
Let the child know you and they will be aware that a parent remains a parent and offers their responsibilities no matter the circumstances. If we want responsible children, we have to act responsibly. My mum once told me that respect doesn’t flow from downwards to upwards unlike many think, but vice versa. If you show a child respect, they will respect you because they know that is what is expected. But when you disrespect them yes they will fear you because they can’t fight you but they will never respect you.
It’s time for fathers to take the lead as being the head of the house and mothers as coworkers and helpers of their husband to protect these young ones that have a greater future awaiting. This bright future lies in the hands of the parents, having the responsibility of giving the child a stable home to accomplish their dreams.